I wonder if you still blame me

My heart hurts 

a nagging worry in my mind 

this is not a blog for those that have triggers please bear that in mind 

AGHHHHH make my head stop

If there was ever a time my life felt normal I would love to remember when .. 

My earliest memories are not the most pleasant,

my late teens were an alcohol fueled chaos 

my  early 20's saw the birth of my children but also a very unhappy marriage 

which had many lows and not very many highs.

When I met my current husband the years of damage caused by others 

has made everyday life lets just say a little tricky.

Now in my last few months of my 30's I can't help but wonder was I always destined to feel like this. 

I often joke that I would hate to be normal but in actual fact I would love to have some resemblance of 

what most would call a normal life.

Some things just baffle me .......... ok I am moaning

I have never been one to profess that I understand the human mind and believe that to the best part it is a case of each to their own. We all have our own way of dealing with things and if it helps and causes no harm to others or yourself then all is good.