it can be a lonely world at times......... looking at the world through my eyes

looking at the world through my eyes 

a world that seems to divide

I open my eyes there is pain

I try to escape 

there is no way

I take the remedies 

I do as I'm told 

but there it is waiting for me .

I never asked for what I've been given

I've fought so hard

but I am never forgiven

I don't know what I did to get this way 

I behaved, I played, I loved and I forgave 

was it my past that gave me my future 

I cant escape this pain. 

 I sit and try to relax, I lay and try to sleep 

my brain it never shuts up 

and the bugs! they crawl over me 

when I look there is nothing to see 

all I find is whats used to be me,

but its different as its not what you see

its what it feels like to me.

I venture off into the world 

my body is screaming it doesn't think the same way as me.

I see my friends, I enjoy retail therapy 

I'm hurting, I'm tired, I want to sleep

I see an acquaintance

we natter a bit 

they tell me I look well 

I could really scream but politely I thank them 

as they can't see the battle inside .....

me vs me.

I never give up 

I fight and I fight! I will keep up this battle 

they will find a cure 

a way to be free 

of this battle that rages in me. 

My friends may avoid me 

I learn't that lesson fast 

people cant face the changes 

of what this does to me 

my family has bonded and battled with me 

they remain strong 

when I get weak

as they understand the battle I fight inside of me.

Missed out on parties and meet ups with friends 

those that get me they understand that battle is tiring 

and I don't always win and I take a beating 

somethings I have lost 

but deep down inside I am still me 

my legs are now wheels 

I get my words wrong 

I could sleep for a month 

if the insomnia gives me a break 

and my brain shuts up

and the tremors they stop. 

It can be a lonely world at times 

when you look through my eyes 

BUT 

I have so much to be thankful for

my family 

my friends 

my future

my past 

 My battle will continue 

but your eyes will not always see

as the battles within me 

is between me and me. 

by Kayla   ©copyright Kayla Love 2014