how often have you heard both men and women moaning about their mother in laws ?
How many people do you hear singing the praises of their Mother in laws ?
I can pretty honestly say I very rarely hear good things about other peoples mother in laws
so why write this blog ?
well read on
I absolutely LOVE my mother in law !
She and I spend a lot of time together
in fact I see her most days and talk to her near enough every day
most people often think that she is my mum not hubbies because of how well we get on.
I find it hard to understand the stereotypical view many have about Mother-in-laws.
Which leads me to my next thought
If you enter any situation involving another person with the view that there will be a problem your will
find faults and issues as well as that you will subconsciously project a negativity into the air either by body language or attitude therefore creating a hostile environment for all involved.
To coin a phrase
"first impressions count"
If you meet your future mum in law thinking
"OMG!! I am about to meet the woman from hell"
or even if you are worried and try to portray yourself as someone you are not
just to be liked then guess what?
your body language and for the want of a better word aura
will scream in the 1st case defensive
and in the 2nd case fake
both of which will be picked up by future mum in law.
Now don't get me wrong not all mums are nice
just like the rest of the world
there are those that are up their own arse
some don't even make good mums so don't expect them to make a good mother in law !
and yes there are those who believe their child is perfect and no one will ever be good enough for them.
There will also be the inevitable clashes of personalities which just happen.
But as a general rule mum in laws are just mums........ ie JUST like the rest of us!!
and one day we mums will be mum in laws too.
I just think that if you are a good person to them and their child then you are on the right path.
I however am probably one of very few people that has a relationship with her Mum-in-Law
that is stronger than the regular mutual respect that is gained when people get married.
So I thought I would tell you all about my Mum-in-Law Sue from here on in I shall just call her Mum tho
as Mum-in-law just really isn't how I see her.
Where to start hmm
ok lets go back to the beginning (it's always easier that way I think )
Back in March/ April 2001 I met the man of my dreams
Ours was not the traditional start of a relationship but that is a whole other story
but like all women I was nervous and excited all in one about meeting his family!
Would they like me? would they hate me? how were they going to be with me?
After my 1st marriage I had every reason to think any mans mother would become the enemy.
My ex husbands mother was a bully and had been a major problem before during and after my marriage doing absolutely everything she could to hurt me or my family even threatening my childrens safety.
I also knew that my hubbies mum had every reason to be worried about any woman coming into her sons life after the way his ex wife had treated her and him during his 1st marriage.
The one thing I had learnt in life was to be myself my favourite saying is "I am like marmite you love me or hate me there is no in between it would seem" but after spending many many years fighting for my own identity and self worth (which wasn't even that great back then) I was not prepared to go back to how I had been.
I remember the butterflies in my tummy standing at their door that 1st day as I was just about to walk through and meet them.
Little was I to know that the dainty lady I was about to meet would play such a big part in my life in a way I or anyone else would never expect.
I was lucky in so many ways to have met the man of my dreams but to meet his family was like winning the lottery!
Now don't get me wrong things have not been plain sailing we have like all families and especially 2 strong minded women had our ups and downs.
We have had arguments and the like, but the foundation of our relationship is strong and we have always found a mutual understanding and resolution when such arguments or upsets have occurred.
What makes our relationship so different I can hear you ask ....
If I was to ask you what is a Mum? what would you say?
Stability?
unconditional love?
a friend?
a counselor?
a shoulder to cry on?
a rock?
protective?
understanding?
there for you?
a mentor?
an inspiration?
a role model?
There are many more ways to describe a mum but you get the general gist of where I am going with this
Now what if I ask you what is a Mother-in-Law ?
Your husband/wife's Mum
This is where things are different for me
how would I describe my Mum-in-Law
My best friend
my saviour
my confidant
protective
understanding
inspirational
loving
caring
funny
intelligent
reliable
constant
I really could go on but it would make for a rather long blog
but lets just say she is everything a girls mum could be and everything a friend could be all wrapped up in one dainty lady!!
Over the years Mum and I have grown close always enjoying girly days and whatnot
but the last few years have really made us close.
I love spending time with her she knows me better than my own mum knows me.
I have little secret giggles over the things we have done
Lets just say whenever we go out we manage to get ourselves in a pickle somehow!
and just like best friends we end up in fits of giggles when we do be it getting lost in college campuses,
leaving the full to the brim shopping trolley of stuff we have just paid for at the end of the till while we chat and leave the shop oblivious to what we had forgotten, even when we have had a bad time of things we find something funny about the day to brighten our mood.
Mum and I both know that if we need a chat no matter what the subject we can just pick up the phone and chat to each other and sometime we chat for hours.
Mum has been there when I have been hit with some of the hardest news and helped me pick up the pieces of my life, always knowing what to say or do I so wish I will be as good a mum as she is.
She never judges my fears and has been with me supporting me when I have had to talk through my past and the things that were done to me with specialists and what not; she remained the rock I so greatly admire even though I knew that what she was hearing and finding out the details of what had been through was breaking her heart.
I admire her strength even when life has been bleak on all sides her ability to find the good and show me the way forward.
I trust her with my heart my love my everything I wish to be the kind of mother she is to me to my daughters
always there never faltering.
I mean how many of you have a mum in law that has been to every appointment be it an easy one or the kind you don't even want to go to let alone accompany someone else to ?
She has been with me to all the appointments good bad and the ones I scream at people at.
I have never known this kind of unconditional support no matter what else is going on mum will do whatever it take to be there.
I don't think that I would have made it through the last year without her support when my hysterectomy went wrong she was there holding my hand, when I was being told my mobility was going further downhill she was there and she helped me find a way forward even just over 24 hours ago she was with me as I had oral surgery whilst awake keeping me calm making me feel safe knowing how great my fear of dentists is.
Today when Mum came up she had been shopping and had picked up a few bits to encourage me to eat as well as to keep my mouth feeling fresh remembering my dislikes and loves just as a mum always does.
Mum I owe you so much
thank you for all that you do
not just for me
but for Hubby and the girls
you and dad have kept us all going the last few years
without you
there would be no us
with love from the bottom of my heart
I LOVE YOU MUM
xxx
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